capturing the beautiful calamity of healing in therapy

Tag: attachment therapy

Your Therapist Will Not Change Your Life

Your Therapist Will Not Change Your Life

Even though I’m a therapist, I’m certainly not a miracle worker. I (mostly) can’t read your mind. And, I won’t change your life. I will guide, assist, empathize, and support you unconditionally.  I will sit with you while you explore your inner demons and love […]

The S.T.U.C.K Series: Part 2

I know what I need to do, but I just can’t do it.  In the first part of this series, I described the foundation for my S.T.U.C.K theory, outlining the acronym “scared to undergo change and/or knowledge.” Feeling stuck is one of the most prevalent problems […]

Happiness & Brushing Your Teeth

What are your goals for therapy? Client shrugs. Looks down at the ground, uncertain with herself, uncertain with everything around her, nervous and clearly uncomfortable in her own skin. I don’t know. I just want to be happy.  Every therapist in every office has heard this […]

In Defense Of Having “Partial” Trust

I believe, at a core level, we are all humans trying to connect, understand, and be understood. We all need validation and confirmation to survive. We need feedback, frequently, and we need direction and interpretation sometimes. The foundation that creates this space, just like the […]

Why Embracing Death Lets Us Embrace Life

Last night, I had a detailed and vivid dream that my father died. We have always been extremely close, and so I woke up scared and upset and angry. And throughout the day, with my clients and at work, it got me thinking. Like most, […]

Why You Can’t Shut People Out

My clients sometimes tell me that they push people away to avoid getting hurt. To them, closeness is synonymous with rejection, and they will avoid such bonding as a means to prevent the inevitable pain. These people tell me they have been hurt too many […]

Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

When you cannot love yourself, not much else in your life will really matter. The accomplishments won’t matter. The perfect body or the perfect car or perfect house won’t really matter, either. You may be on the proverbial hamster wheel towards success, doing what you […]

A Connection Cannot be Random

There is the infamous saying we accept the love we think we deserve. And with this exists the natural dialectic that we also unknowingly accept the pain, misery, and suffering we think we deserve.  Interpersonal relationships, as short-lived, stressful, or intimate as they may be, are complex and unique, but […]

I Love You is Not Enough

In all my work with youth, the most consistent issue I hear among all ages and demographics remains, I wish my parents paid more attention to me. With all the research and information about the topic, we could fill libraries with books about parenting and how to raise a […]

The Willigness to Forgive Yourself

The majority of people I work with hate themselves. Rumination over the past, continuous regrets over what should have, could have, would have been different, and the merciless resentments they hold inwards have created a permanent narrative of failure and incompetence. All the accolades and […]