capturing the beautiful calamity of healing in therapy

Tag: alcoholics anonymous

The Opposite of Being Loved is Not Being Hated; It’s Being Misunderstood

The Opposite of Being Loved is Not Being Hated; It’s Being Misunderstood

I don’t have therapy goals. I just hate myself. She practically spat those words at me during our intake, when we were sitting across from each other, going back-and-forth, engaging in the typical therapist question-and-answer banter. She didn’t have defined therapy goals or objectives, and […]

When Clients Lie in Therapy

Most clients lie in therapy. They omit, they change stories, they minimize or dramatize, they fabricate, and I’m absolutely okay with it. There are infinite reasons “why” people lie, but it typically can be summarized into this: lying is coping. It’s a primitive means of […]

Happiness & Brushing Your Teeth

What are your goals for therapy? Client shrugs. Looks down at the ground, uncertain with herself, uncertain with everything around her, nervous and clearly uncomfortable in her own skin. I don’t know. I just want to be happy.  Every therapist in every office has heard this […]

We must cherish our future selves.

Impulsive. It’s a dynamic force found in all walks of human life. We see it in the shopper who cannot resist a new handbag to reward herself for a “terrible day at work”, the individual who hooks up with a stranger to briefly escape his […]

Fifty Shades of Recovery

We throw around this word “recovery” all the time, as if it is some kind of magical elixir or concrete trophy of success. We use it simplistically, an overarching term that neglects to address the subjectivity that characterize its very nature. I don’t believe anything about recovery is simple, […]

The Normie Therapist & The Addict Client

I’m not an addict. I’ve never intravenously administered anything in my veins or chased any proverbial dragon or pawned something of value for desperate pocket change. I’ve never made up stories for pain medication prescriptions or dreaded a urine test for work. I don’t know what […]

Why Embracing Death Lets Us Embrace Life

Last night, I had a detailed and vivid dream that my father died. We have always been extremely close, and so I woke up scared and upset and angry. And throughout the day, with my clients and at work, it got me thinking. Like most, […]

Why You Absolutely Must Love Yourself

When you cannot love yourself, not much else in your life will really matter. The accomplishments won’t matter. The perfect body or the perfect car or perfect house won’t really matter, either. You may be on the proverbial hamster wheel towards success, doing what you […]

Stop Waiting for Rock Bottom.

If you are suffering, in any capacity, you have permission to ask for help. You don’t need to hit any significant milestone. You don’t need a reason or justification. You don’t even need a tangible problem. If you are suffering, you deserve to heal. It’s […]

We Still Don’t Understand Addiction

We still don’t understand addiction. We still don’t understand its complexity—not really, anyway—because if we did, our society would not have such a visceral stigmatization towards the people who are struggling. We still don’t understand what causes it or why it happens to some people and […]